The world's greatest invention
I got to thinking the other day about the world's greatest invention. So I started to ask around. What was indispensable for people? For some, it's the phone. For others, it was their car. Someone else told me it was their TV. One person even admitted it was the battery-powered vibrator. (Go figure.) For me, there is one invention so useful, so helpful that the answer was obvious: the shower.
I'm kidding, right? Nope. Think about it. If you're anything like me when the alarm goes off in the morning, just getting out of bed is a heroic human struggle that should qualify for a Movie Of The Week. Between throwing something at the alarm clock and getting to the bathroom, I return to my ancestral roots: I slog along on all fours. Okay, so I'm stretching things a bit, but not by much. My eyes are typically encrusted in salt and schmootz (God, I love that word), almost like barnacles on a ship. My tongue is epoxied to the side of my mouth. My morning breath could be considered a terrorist weapon. And typically, when I look in the mirror for the first time each day, it shatters. Violently.
That is why the shower is so important to me. No other device on this planet can transform me from this Neanderthal state to being almost Cro Magnon. The rush of hot water, the steam and white noise of a shower can bring me back to the land of the living instead of being the living dead. The utter pain of waking up is transformed into something almost fun. And before long, something utterly terrifying happens: I start singing. (This has also been known to shatter mirrors. And glasses. And windows anywhere in a 5-mile radius of ground zero.) But damnit, it makes me happy. And pretty soon, I'M READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD.
There. I feel better now.
And have you ever noticed that you get your best ideas in the shower? After the first few minutes of waking up, it's when I think about the stuff I have to do, and how I'll get it done. It's the secret booth where my imagination rocks, where anything is possible, and even where I think of stupid blogs like this one. Whenever I need a creative thought, I take a shower. And that got me thinking: why isn't there a waterproof writing pad for showers?
My advice: if you want to get anywhere in this world, you've got to come clean. Take a shower. Right now.
I got to thinking the other day about the world's greatest invention. So I started to ask around. What was indispensable for people? For some, it's the phone. For others, it was their car. Someone else told me it was their TV. One person even admitted it was the battery-powered vibrator. (Go figure.) For me, there is one invention so useful, so helpful that the answer was obvious: the shower.
I'm kidding, right? Nope. Think about it. If you're anything like me when the alarm goes off in the morning, just getting out of bed is a heroic human struggle that should qualify for a Movie Of The Week. Between throwing something at the alarm clock and getting to the bathroom, I return to my ancestral roots: I slog along on all fours. Okay, so I'm stretching things a bit, but not by much. My eyes are typically encrusted in salt and schmootz (God, I love that word), almost like barnacles on a ship. My tongue is epoxied to the side of my mouth. My morning breath could be considered a terrorist weapon. And typically, when I look in the mirror for the first time each day, it shatters. Violently.
That is why the shower is so important to me. No other device on this planet can transform me from this Neanderthal state to being almost Cro Magnon. The rush of hot water, the steam and white noise of a shower can bring me back to the land of the living instead of being the living dead. The utter pain of waking up is transformed into something almost fun. And before long, something utterly terrifying happens: I start singing. (This has also been known to shatter mirrors. And glasses. And windows anywhere in a 5-mile radius of ground zero.) But damnit, it makes me happy. And pretty soon, I'M READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD.
There. I feel better now.
And have you ever noticed that you get your best ideas in the shower? After the first few minutes of waking up, it's when I think about the stuff I have to do, and how I'll get it done. It's the secret booth where my imagination rocks, where anything is possible, and even where I think of stupid blogs like this one. Whenever I need a creative thought, I take a shower. And that got me thinking: why isn't there a waterproof writing pad for showers?
My advice: if you want to get anywhere in this world, you've got to come clean. Take a shower. Right now.
posted by Brian at
12:37 PM
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