Bubble gum: Threat or Menace?

Yes, it's chewy. Yes, it's delicious. Yes, it's fun. And that's what makes bubble gum so damned insidious. Slowly but surely, without modern society taking notice, bubble gum has become ubiquitous. It's everywhere. And that is the problem.

Think of bubble gum as junk food terrorism. That's because it's not just in your mouth, it's stuck to just about everything else. Go ahead. Take a look at the bottom of your shoe. You'll find some there. It's probably on your carpet. Or stuck to something else that matters to you. But if you try to clean it off, you can't. And each day, there's more and more of it stuck to something. Quietly, this is turning into a grave national crisis.

I don't know about you, but I think this must be addressed by the local authorities. Citizens committees should be formed. Arm bands distributed. Upstanding people in our community deputized. Watch groups should patrol our streets, every watchful of someone dropping a piece of pre-chewed bubble gum on a hot sidewalk. Yes, it's a tragedy. But it's a tragedy that each of us can do something about. We must act now before bubble gum gets stuck on everything before it's too...damn! I just stepped in some more gum!