What America needs now: Really bad television.

While the headline above sounds like an oxymoron, please hear me out. If you’re like me, you’re sick of reality TV shows, bad sitcoms and other video garbage. (But a friend recently pitched a concept that I did like: When Idiots Attack, a reality trash TV show to be aired on Fox that would portray the activities of many of the jerks that we work for every day. Terrifying.)

On the other hand, when it comes to really bad TV, I get nostalgic and wistfully pine for the days of shows like Sea Hunt. Now, for those of you born to Generation X or beyond, you sadly missed something. Sea Hunt was this wonderfully tacky black and white TV show from the late 50s/early 60s starring Lloyd Bridges (yes, it’s Jeff Bridges dad) as a skin diver who regularly battled creatures from the unknown, or just plain bad guys, all in sea water. Every week Lloyd somehow managed to triumph, even though his air regulator hose would always get slashed. The special effects were hilarious. Watching the bulky old aqualungs was an experience. Seeing ol' Lloyd duke it out with a giant squid (tenticles a go-go) was a blast. And just listening to the overly dramatic horrors of the deep theme music was classic.

I remember being about 7 years old and absolutely cracking up watching the show. And it was supposed to be serious. Which leads me to a point: never underestimate the cynical smarts of a child. They totally get it, even if we don’t.

So for the max in my television entertainment dollar, give me paper-thin dialogue and schmaltzy scripts in black and white any day. Just watch an old re-run of Sky King, The Lone Ranger or Sergeant Preston of the Yukon to see what I mean. The worse it is, the better it is. Just don’t forget the popcorn.